A Letter To Moms In Quarantine
To Moms in quarantine.
Or anyone who has had a mom, or hasn’t had a mom, or has been a mom, or a substitute mom, or wants to be a mom.
To all the step-moms, aunts, sisters, neighbors, friends, dog moms, cat moms, parakeet moms, and bonus moms.
To any human who stewards the nurturing of another human’s soul (so, yes, that’s you).
Mother’s day is a beautiful thing. It can also be a very hard thing for many of us, bringing up feelings of loss or trauma. Dealing with all of that on top of a coronavirus crisis might feel like too much right now. This weekend, maybe the only thing you feel like doing is crawling into bed with a glass of wine and downing an entire loaf of homemade bread. There might feel like very little reason to celebrate: maybe you are separated from your mother, you may be experiencing loss as a mother. You might find yourself, again, this year, wondering what it felt like to have a mother, because you never did.
It’s a lot to deal with during a normal year, and since everything is upside down right now, it may feel like everything is going to be *extra* emotionally charged this year.
I wanted to share a few thoughts from my heart, in the hopes of offering you a little encouragement.
We are all grieving right now. We have cancelled trips, parties, and celebrations. We have missed out on graduation ceremonies, baby showers, weddings, and birthday parties. We are missing family and friends. It is awful, it is sad, it is heart-wrenching and painful. And it is ok to feel all those things.
There is a spectrum of emotions. The healthiest things we can do is allow ourselves to feel ALL of them. Acknowledging our negative feelings empowers us to choose. Once we recognize the emotion, we become self-aware enough to be able to choose our response to that feeling.
We had hopes and dreams and expectations, and now we are left with disappointment and anger and sadness.
It is a time to grieve, universally. It is time to give ourselves permission to feel all the feelings.
But here is the thing about emotions, as our fearless leader Brene Brown put it so eloquently put it in her TED Talk: we cannot selectively numb.
If we choose to turn off the feelings of sorrow and anger and pain, we will silence joy and gratitude and creativity at the same time.
So feel the sad feelings. Have a good cry. Let it out, admit it: this stinks right now.
And then, choose joy & gratitude on purpose. This is the hardest part but I’m convinced that gratitude changes everything. When you’re tempted to complain or list all of the things that are “wrong” try to pause and find something to be grateful for. Air in your lungs counts.
Here is something I’m grateful for: All of a sudden, our world IS our kids’ world, and it’s beautiful. We are seeing so much more through their eyes. Days without news, without rush, without work, and the associated worry that goes with it.
I want you to imagine that you are not reading this this but that a good friend called you and said:
- I’m proud of you for the grace you’ve extended to yourself in this hard season.
- I’m proud of the effort and sacrifice you’ve made to serve those around you.
- I’m proud of you for doing the brave thing by allowing yourself to cry.
- I’m proud of your resourcefulness and creativity in this crazy season.
- I’m proud of you for hugging your kids.
- I’m proud of you for apologizing to your kids.
- I’m proud of you for mustering the strength to give this day your all.
- I’m proud of you for stopping to pray when the days get hard.
My prayer for you on this Mothers’ Day is that you will stop and choose joy. That you will slow down and see beauty. That you will put the screen away and laugh, even if it means you have a glass of wine in your hand. My prayer is that even if you don’t see the grace bestowed to us in this weird season, that you will feel it. My prayer is that your faith will be strengthened and that you’ll experience peace about the days to come.
Happy Mothers’ Day, sweet friends!
We want to empower you to live a balanced life. HEART Goals is at the center of our brand because it’s a framework that gives your life meaning and helps you find focus. HEART Goals isn’t one more thing on your to-do list. It’s a way of doing everything: doing less, but better, in the right order, in every area of our lives. This post covers the H (Help Yourself) and A (All Your People) parts of the HEART Goals acronym. Click here to learn more about the HEART Goals framework!