Faith & Forgiveness
I can hold a mean grudge.
I’m not proud of it. I don’t like the idea of it. But I do it anyway; more often than I’d care to admit. Because the other option—processing, forgiving, moving on—can seem a lot harder.
Interestingly, I do like the idea of forgiveness. I know that it is healing; that it is necessary. I know that it is more for me, and for my benefit, than it is for the person who might have wronged me. And let’s be honest—I often need forgiveness just as much as the next person! In those instances, forgiveness and I are close friends.
But, perhaps most importantly, I know that forgiveness is a central tenet of my faith; of the gift I’ve been given by a God who certainly could have held a grudge—and didn’t.
“Forgiveness works through our ongoing willingness to give up certain claims against one another, to give the truth when we access our relationships with one another, and to give gifts of ourselves by making innovative gestures that offer a future not bound by the past.”
– L. Gregory Jones
I’ve been meditating on this idea of forgiveness lately. Not for any particular reason, other than it’s one of life’s many lessons that I constantly need to revisit. I like the idea of forgiveness, but I struggle with it just like anybody else. And I’m constantly searching for a way to make it easier—to get there faster, to forgive as part of my faith.
Here’s what I’m learning: Forgiveness requires faith. And faith requires forgiveness. They’re inseparable, so far as God’s concerned. And so far as I’m concerned, the Big Man’s got it all figured out in ways I never will.
So, I turned to Him for more.
Mark 11:25 says: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
God’s forgiveness, like His love, is unconditional. He’s given it to every one of us, no matter what we’ve done or haven’t done or continue to do. If even He can forgive, who am I to say that I can’t?! And I can’t claim to have faith in God without also laying claim to the forgiveness He exemplifies: to my need to receive it and my responsibility to offer it up as well.
If I want to be more faithful—a more faithful follower of Christ, a more faithful wife and mom, a more faithful friend and business partner, and a more faithful human generally—than I have to learn to forgive.
I have to forgive the vendor who made an expensive mistake on a big order.
I have to forgive the stranger who left a rude comment on my Instagram post.
And I have to forgive myself for the times when I inevitably misstep—and for the times when my forgiveness of somebody else just doesn’t come quick.
If I have faith that He can do anything, than I have faith in forgiveness’ possibility and its power. I have faith that He can repair and restore my heart, my relationships, and my stubbornness, too. I have faith that God can guide and encourage my forgiveness, just as deeply as I have faith that He forgives me of all of my sins.
And so, lately I’m working on forgiveness; of letting go of my grudges—the big ones and the little ones—with greater speed and greater ease.
Forgiveness, as with faith, is never about someone else—it’s about me and it’s about God. And it’s about deepening my relationship with Him by following His example. I have faith in that.
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Is there someone you need to forgive? Write a prayer or note of forgiveness to them (even if it’s a note to yourself) in the comments below.
This hit home for me today. Just what I needed to be reminded of.
Thanks for sharing! An important perspective to keep at the forefront of our minds and hearts.
Don’t do it Whitney. There’s WAAAAY worse things than probably what you might hold a grudge about. Sadly, I know. And just because you forgive someone, you don’t have to hang out with them…
I pray for the lord to place forgiveness in my heart for my mother in law, to help me forgive her as I hope he forgives me. Amen
Lovely, honest, heart-touching, and helpful thoughts, Whitney. Thank you for being real.
My pastor this week spoke about forgiveness in a way that I had never heard before. He said that God is abke to give mercy and forgiveness to those who have sinned against us and at the same time he gives grace and peace to the ones who have endured sin. But how is that even possible? Through Christ who suffered all the sins for us. Christ is the healing balm. Christ says to the abuser, you can never repay and make right what you did so I’ll pay the debt for you. Christ says to the abused, your healing begins and is made whole through me. It was the most beautiful and freeing thing I had ever heard. We can forgive because Christ has our back.
Dear Whitney,
I have loved your work ever since I bought my first Whitney English stationery years ago when I worked at a stationery store in Atlanta. Then, fast forward to now, I hear you on a podcast and decide I need to follow her blog. I feel like we could definitely be friends as there are so many things you say that I can relate to, but maybe that’s why you are so good at what you do, because you are relatable and genuine. Thank you for all you do for your readers. Thank you for inspiring and encouraging us.
This particular post on forgiveness, really hit a cord with me. It could not have been more timely either. I have always had such hard time forgiving others and even myself when I make mistakes. I hold grudges like it’s some badge of honor or I should get an award. It’s terrible! For example, I have not spoken to my only brother in more months than I care to say because of something that is so silly now that I look back on it. Granted, he was the one that hurt me, but I need to let it go and forgive. If not for me, but for my parents too. It’s interesting how I can get over things with friends faster than family. For some reason,family is not often treated as nicely as your friends. At least that is in my case.
As the summer ramps up, my family and I will be seeing my brother and his family in Florida soon, so I know I am going to have to pack your encouraging words on forgiveness, and put it to good use. And that’s not just with my brother but with other relationships that have struggled because I can’t seem to fully forgive. It hit such a cord with me when you said “forgiveness requires faith and faith requires forgiveness.” And that it’s not about someone else, but it’s about you and God. Wow! So so good!
I can’t thank you enough for this. I am so grateful I found your blog. I pray for others reading your blog will take this as a stepping stone to the road to forgiving and be encouraged as I have been.
Many Blessings,
Amy